Expressing condolences is never an easy matter. In times of grief and loss, there is often confusion about how and when to respond. When a colleague, an associate, or a member of a coworker's family dies, people can become frozen in place. Because they lack the confidence or the knowledge of what to do, they end up doing nothing at all. That is the worst response. If you find yourself in this situation, there are clear and uncomplicated choices for action.

Send a letter or a note of sympathy as soon as possible. If the person was well known to you, you will have more to say. However, it is not necessary to write a lengthy letter. A few thoughtful sentences are enough to let the surviving family members know that you care.

Choose quality stationary and write the letter by hand. Only in extreme cases of totally illegible handwriting would you consider typing this kind of correspondence.

Another choice is to purchase a sympathy card with a message already printed on it. This is my least favorite option, because it can seem cold or impersonal. If you choose to send a printed card, add a sentence or two in your own hand.

Remember to sign your card. You might think that would be obvious, but in their confusion and sorrow, people often overlook this step, and families receive expressions of sympathy that were not intended to be anonymous.

Depending upon your relationship to the deceased, you may want to do more than send a note or card. Today many families prefer to have donations made to specific charities rather than receive flowers. Always check the obituary notice for this information or contact the funeral home. The amount you decide to donate in someone's memory is purely personal and will not be shared with the family.

© Lydia Ramsey. All rights reserved.

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