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The Etiquette Of Sympathy
When a colleague, a coworker or a business associate loses a
family member, do you find it difficult to offer your sympathy? Do
you worry that you will use the wrong words or that you will
intrude on the other person’s grief? As
a result, how often have you ended up not doing or saying anything
and later regretting it?
When someone you know suffers a loss,
the kindest thing you can do is to acknowledge what has happened and
show that you care. It is just as important to show your sorrow in a
business relationship as it is in a personal one. Don’t withhold your
support because you are
uncomfortable. It’s not about you.
When you go in person to visit the
family, don’t be afraid to mention the deceased person’s name. In
spite of what you may think, this doesn’t make people feel any worse.
Acknowledge all the family members and
speak to them, not just the ones you know. No one should have to
guess who you are and what your connection is to their loss. Be
prepared to introduce yourself and explain your relation to the
deceased.
Share your memories with the family.
This is a time when people need to hear stories about the person they
have just lost. Laughter and happy stories are healing and are in no
way disrespectful to anyone.
It is not unusual to go the funeral or
visitation when you did not know the person who died. You are going
for your colleague or friend, the survivor, who is suffering.
Be prepared to listen. The bereaved
person may need to share feelings that don’t require lengthy verbal
responses from you, just an available ear and a sympathetic nod. It’s
all right to say, “How are you feeling?” When you do, be sure you
allow for the answer.
Attend the service if you can, no matter
what is on your schedule. It is comforting for family to see the
people who care about their loss.
Write a note of condolence even if you
attend the service. People will hang on to those written expressions
of sorrow for a long time as way of extending the memory.
Whatever you do, don’t send your
sympathy via e-mail unless you are in Outer Mongolia and that is your
only option. Electronic mail lacks the personal touch that this time
deserves.
Offer to help in whatever way you can in
order to leave the family free to grieve. The most mundane chores
like walking the dog can be a tremendous help.
Once the funeral is over, stay in touch.
Reaching out as time goes by can be more meaningful than your initial
response to the loss.
Part of building good business
relationships with people can be sharing the saddest of times. If you
know what is expected, you will be more confident and more likely to
do what serves others best.
© Lydia Ramsey. All rights reserved.
 
About the
Author
 Lydia Ramsey is a business etiquette expert, professional
speaker, corporate trainer and author of Manners That Sell: Adding
The Polish That Builds Profits. She has been quoted or featured
in The New York Times, Investors' Business Daily, Entrepreneur, Inc.,
Real Simple and Woman's Day. For more information about her
programs, products and services, e-mail her at lydia@mannersthatsell.com or visit
her web site http://www.mannersthatsell.com
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